young widow

Putting Tucker in daycare

I was so excited for our first week… I was day dreaming about what it would be like to be able to get things done without the approval of whoever was watching Tucker. I also wanted to be able to do things without having to give a report when i got home. Although day one went super awesome the day after was a wreck. I went to a friend’s house the next day out Tucker down for a nap and when I went to get him he vomited all over himself and then a over me multiple times after that. I called his RN and she said I was the 3rd person to call within the hour reporting vomiting…. I was the sick the next 3 days and extremely emotional. I knew that Brett did everything he could to be there, to be there getting vomited on… To hold my hand as we head Tucker while he was sick, to make sure I wasn’t doing it alone like he promised me I wouldn’t be….. But here I am… Alone… Washing out the carseat…. Changing Tucker in the front yard as a woman comments about how kids don’t always like the texture of grass…. Crying softly to myself… Wondering if I should just strip the carseat and wash it as a whole? When we got inside I gave him a bath as he screamed at me… Then we sat together, him wrapped up in a towel naked, me… Exausted… Sitting on towels hoping he didn’t vomit on me again.  I called 3 people for help each of them said no for their own reasons and I was pissed and by myself…. Again.  It’s shocking how few people have been there for me. My friends Rebecca, Kathy and Brooke have been there for me but almost no one else. All of my other bridesmaids have been MIA my best friend hasn’t called sense Brett died… I have been invited to almost nothing…. And almost none of my old friends ask me how I’m doing. No one has asked what it’s been like for me sense Brett’s been gone… NO ONE. It’s shocking. Uncalled-for. Offensive… I kinda wonder if everyone thinks someone else is there or if they just don’t actually think about us at all. They just make pitty comments about how they think of us often and are wondering how we’re doing… But can honestly only check in on us sometimes…. 
I feel like I have to start over. With everything. 😦
I’m really looking forward to daycare next week… I hope it’s going better by then. 

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